What is a Car Guy?

Before I get started, and before I get in trouble, let me apologize for the term “Car Guy”. Of course I fully welcome our female counter parts in this group where the word “guys” is all inclusive. Who would ever exclude Danika Patrick from anything dealing with cars.

I toyed with several ways at expressing “What is a Car Guy”? Perhaps as a series of questions like, “Is your private bathroom stocked with various car magazines, some several years old?” And are they piled high enough on the toilet tank that they act as a home-made headrest? Do you feel drawn to visit the Car Care aisle of any store, supermarkets included, out of fear that you might miss out on something new? If this seems faintly familiar then you are likely a “Car Guy”. Some of my most insightful car guy moments have occurred in these car care areas of retail stores. Last fall I found myself, that’s right, smack in the middle of the car care area of a local Wally World, paying homage to the vast selections and endless shelves of waxes, batteries and additives. As I rounded the corner with much anticipation for the motor oil section, I startled an older woman who had clutched in her arms numerous bottles of motor oil. She stared at me with the type of look that we all have experienced when we accidentally walk in on someone in a public bathroom stall. Add to that gaze slight moisture to her eyes that conveyed, along with her surprise, the relief that help had finally arrived.

Before this woman of sixty something years could utter a single syllable, I recognized her distress. Among the six quarts of oil that she was holding were 6 different brands and at least 5 different viscosities. I quickly smiled at her, hoping to change my facial expression from ”you don’t have a frickin’ clue” to one of helpful compassion. It was then that I uttered, “Seems that you have your hands full?” She expressed that her mechanic told her to pick up 6 quarts of oil and to get” the good stuff”. Being the “car guy” my brain had to slide down to the lowest rung of automotive functioning. There’ll be no discussions of ZDDP or moly levels, not even a discussion of SL vs. the newer (lesser) SM rated oils was to occur. No this was going to be tough on me. As sweetly as possible, I asked, “For what car is this for?” A “1998 Maxima”, she blurted. With that I realized how heavy those six quarts were getting as they continue to slip away from her grasp. I quickly started taking them from her and began to re stack them on an empty area of the shelf.

My brother-in-law has the same vehicle so my oil selection for her was lightning quick as I chose from the mish-mos of oil bottles the Synthetic 5w30 Older Car Formula. “Here you go”, I said as I put 6 bottles of this oil in her cart. And then it happened, a knee jerk reaction as if my unconscious brain made my hand shoot off toward the oil shelves once again. “Here’s an extra quart so you can top off as needed”.

With an appreciative smile and a heartfelt, “Thank you young man” the good deed for Uncle Vinny was done for the day. I was grateful that she didn’t ask, “What about the filter?”

I felt quite good that this car guy righted a wrong and kept the automotive world a little safer. It was at the moment that I passed the service counter that I realized it was time to go. It was here that I heard the three most frightening words of the day. These words were uttered by a middle aged man in his response
to the service advisor when asked, “What kind of oil would you like us to use today?” The customer’s three word response was, “Put in whatever”. I knew it was time to go. Oh the Horror, the Horror.

In my next blog, I’ll talk a little about motor oils.

Thanks for stoppin’ by.

Stay safe out there!!!!

Uncle Vinny